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cityView: amy bradley-hole
I was recently on a floating trip on a river. It was a pretty pleasant river, but it had its fair share of rapids and rocky patches. And unbeknownst to me, there was a huge waterfall just around one of its bends. I saw it and started panicking, scared I was going to plunge over the edge and crash and burn. But at the last minute, someone on the bank saw me, and stuck a huge branch out towards me. I could save myself from the waterfall by just jumping off my raft and grabbing hold. But I didn’t. I froze, because I didn’t want to risk missing the branch completely and falling into cold, roiling water. How stupid was that? I was going to risk certain harm for uncertain safety, simply because I was afraid of what was in between.
Alright, alright, enough with the terrible allegory already. No, I haven’t been on a float trip lately. But yes, I have been about to crash and burn. And yes, in the midst of all the chaos, someone handed me a lifeline. And YES, I freaked out about it. I kept calling this awesome opportunity my “leap of faith.” Whenever I discussed my situation with anyone, I focused on the “leap” part. It was all about my fear, and the fall, and how much it would hurt if I screwed it up. My language and thought process was quite negative. This leap of faith was a scary thing, indeed.
And then one day, that little voice I hear (which, for me, yes, is Jesus, and who, by the way, is a little West Indian guy in tight pants who sits on my shoulder, but that’s a whole other story) said to me “But you’re forgetting the FAITH part.”
Wow. And so I was. I was all terror, no trust.
There I was, the girl who’s always smugly thinking about how strong her faith is, how solid her relationship with Christ is, forgetting to have any faith at all. I was forgetting to shut up already about the negatives. I was only thinking about the bad that could happen, and forgetting the wonderful ways in which my life could change. They just seemed, like that branch, too far away to be real. So when I took a minute to pause and hand it over to my higher power, I was able to see the beautiful glimpses of faith and grace that surrounded me. I have a family who has my back. I’ve got a community full of the most amazing friends right here in Little Rock who are my support system. I’ve got a church home where I can go to get recharged. And yes, I have a relationship with Jesus. What more could I need? And why, for Heaven’s sake, was I afraid of a little ol’ leap?
So what did I end up doing, you ask? I jumped, of course. And it felt fabulous. And how did it turn out, you wonder? I don’t know. I’m still in mid-air. But at least I know that, as I’m flying, I’m being lifted by faith.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amy B-Hole, ryanByrd. ryanByrd said: we started a new blog series @eikonchurch called #cityView. it kicks off today w/ a leap-of-faith story from @amybhole. http://is.gd/cdyPu [...]